49 Funny Retirement Quotes

Retirement is a great thing especially when you have funny retirement quotes to bring a smile to the retiree's face. We have compiled a collection of quotes that will do just that! They could be used in a card or letter to send as part of your congratulations to the new retiree. Also bring a smile to the new retiree's face with these funny retirement poems


Quotes & Sayings  -    Funny Retirement Quotes


  1. Live life even more - walk out of here and shut the door Julie Hebert, Today - Retirement Poems



  2. Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough. Ben Franklin - Poems On Life



  3. Good luck in your new endeavors! May those endeavors require lots of breaks!! - Retirement Sayings



  4. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does. Author Unknown - Poems That Inspire



  5. Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired. Author Unknown - Retirement Messages



  6. Life for you will be so grand...no more alarm clocks and no more worrying about being docked. C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Coworkers



  7. Retirement is a new stage - it doesn't mean you have aged. C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Friends



  8. No more tests to mark, no more recess breaks, no more loud remarks, no more putting on the brakes. Tom S. Gold, No More - Retirement Poems For A Teacher



  9. Retirement is the beginning of an endless summer full of smiles and laughter! C. A. Lynch - Happy Poems



  10. Looking forward to retirement at sixty and sixty-five, Seventy through to 90, blessed to still be alive. Julie Hebert - Milestone Birthday Poem



  11. Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working. Author Unknown - Retirement Wishes



  12. When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Gene Perret - Marriage Quotes



  13. Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. Author Unknown - Good Morning Wishes



  14. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller - Birthday Wishes



  15. May your retirement days be a reality of the days that you once only dreamed of. B. Clements - Irish Blessings



  16. In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. Author Unknown - Cheers To Retirement



  17. Who would think a challenge in retirement you would see....you no longer have the challenge of what do I wear, you don't even have to smile, you can be a bear. C. A. Lynch, A Challenge In Retirement? - Retirement Challenges



  18. No more hard times, only good times face you as you hit the golf course. - Quotes When Life Is Hard



  19. Retirement is what we all work our lives to get to! Julie Hebert - Quotes About Life Inspirational



  20. May you travel to new destinations, with freedom in your hair. Julie Hebert - Your New Life Begins



  21. In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley - A Poem For You



  22. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret - Now Is The Time Poem



  23. The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. Author Unknown - Retirement Again?



    24. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income
  24. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez



  25. He who laughs, lasts.  Mary Pettibone Poole - Quotes About Life Happiness



  26. Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
    Jonathan Clements - Quotes That Inspire



  27. Indulge in hobbies, explore new lands, just remember, napping is always in demand! - Retirement Verses For Cards



  28. Retirement is a celebration where Monday mornings and alarm clocks are kicked to the curb, and lazy Sundays become a full-time gig. Every day is a cause for celebration! C. A. Lynch
    Celebration Poems



  29. Retiring from nursing may mean the end of the shift, but it doesn't have to be the end of the laughter! C. A. Lynch - Retirement Poems For Nurses



  30. Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money! Author Unknown - Quotes That Inspire Change



  31. Don't worry about avoiding temptation ...As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill - Quotes About Life Struggles



  32. What do you call someone who's happy on Mondays? Retired!  Author Unknown - Quotes About Life That Are Funny



  33. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers - Time Poems



  34. It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man. Scott Elledge - Time Quotes



  35. I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension! Author Unknown - Quotes That Encourage



  36. Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.  Author Unknown - Best Poems



  37. I've always had a love for my job, but I think my love will be stronger relaxing on my couch!  Julie Hebert - Best Wishes To You



  38. Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.  Gene Perret - Quotes To Make You Think



    39. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off
  39. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons



  40. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Ella Harris



  41. Retirement: World's longest coffee break. Author Unknown



  42. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. R.C. Sherriff



    43. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy
  43. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
    Danny McGoorty



  44. Retirement, when every day is Saturday!
    Author Unknown



  45. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.  Abe Lemons



    46. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does
  46. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.  Author Unknown



  47. Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
    Gene Perret



  48. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
    Gene Perret



  49. I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
    Hartman Jule

More Quotes & Sayings


Retirement can be a fun time and sometimes only quotes said by other people can help spread that cheer. Feel free to use these quotes in your planning and preparation process. We hope you have found these quotes to be somewhat comical as we did. Retirement is definitely not a joke, but like everything else in life, there are funny moments about it. We hope you are laughing on your retirement and making the most of a great situation.


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