42 Funny Retirement Quotes

Retirement is a great thing especially when you have funny retirement quotes to bring a smile to the retiree's face. We have compiled a collection of quotes that will do just that! They could be used in a card or letter to send as part of your congratulations to the new retiree.

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  1. Live life even more - walk out of here and shut the door Julie Hebert, Today
    Retirement Poems



  2. Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough. Ben Franklin
    Poems On Life



  3. Good luck in your new endeavors! May those endeavors require lots of breaks!!
    Retirement Sayings



  4. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before your boss does. Author Unknown
    Poems That Inspire



  5. Fishing Yesterday, Fishing Today, Fishing Tomorrow I must be retired. Author Unknown
    Retirement Messages



  6. Life for you will be so grand...no more alarm clocks and no more worrying about being docked. C. A. Lynch
    Retirement Poems For Coworkers



  7. Retirement is a new stage - it doesn't mean you have aged. C. A. Lynch
    Retirement Poems For Friends



  8. No more tests to mark, no more recess breaks, no more loud remarks, no more putting on the brakes. Tom S. Gold, No More
    Retirement Poems For A Teacher



  9. Looking forward to retirement at sixty and sixty-five, Seventy through to 90, blessed to still be alive. Julie Hebert
    Milestone Birthday Poem



  10. Retirement is the time when you never do all the things you intended to do when you were still working.
    Author Unknown
    Retirement Wishes



  11. When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you. Gene Perret
    Marriage Quotes



  12. Retirement is waking up in the morning with nothing to do and by bedtime having done only half of it. Author Unknown
    Good Morning Wishes



  13. Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.....But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
    Birthday Wishes



  14. May your retirement days be a reality of the days that you once only dreamed of. B. Clements
    Irish Blessings



  15. In your retirement years never drink coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon. Author Unknown
    Cheers To Retirement



  16. Who would think a challenge in retirement you would see....you no longer have the challenge of what do I wear, you don't even have to smile, you can be a bear. C. A. Lynch, A Challenge In Retirement?
    Retirement Challenges



  17. No more hard times, only good times face you as you hit the golf course.
    Quotes When Life Is Hard



  18. Retirement is what we all work our lives to get to! Julie Hebert
    Quotes About Life Inspirational



  19. May you travel to new destinations, with freedom in your hair. Julie Hebert
    Your New Life Begins



  20. In retirement, I look for days off from my days off. Mason Cooley
    A Poem For You



  21. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese. Gene Perret
    Now Is The Time Poem



  22. The worst thing about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own time. Author Unknown
    Retirement Again?



  23. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income
  24. When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income. Chi Chi Rodriguez



  25. He who laughs, lasts.
    Mary Pettibone Poole
    Quotes About Life Happiness



  26. Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
    Jonathan Clements
    Quotes That Inspire



  27. Retirement: No clock, no deadlines, no stress, no money!
    Author Unknown
    Quotes That Inspire Change



  28. Don't worry about avoiding temptation ...As you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill
    Quotes About Life Struggles



  29. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. Ella Harris



  30. Retirement: World's longest coffee break.
    Author Unknown



  31. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off
  32. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons



  33. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
    R.C. Sherriff



  34. I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!
    Author Unknown
    Quotes That Encourage



  35. Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
    Author Unknown



  36. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy
  37. I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.
    Danny McGoorty



  38. Retirement, when every day is Saturday!
    Author Unknown



  39. Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
    Gene Perret
    Quotes To Make You Think



  40. The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
    Abe Lemons



  41. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does
  42. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
    Author Unknown



  43. I've always had a love for my job, but I think my love will be stronger relaxing on my couch!
    Julie Hebert



  44. Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.
    Gene Perret



  45. Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
    Gene Perret



  46. I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
    Hartman Jule

More Quotes & Sayings


Retirement can be a fun time and sometimes only quotes said by other people can help spread that cheer. Feel free to use these quotes in your planning and preparation process. We hope you have found these quotes to be somewhat comical as we did. Retirement is definitely not a joke, but like everything else in life, there are funny moments about it. We hope you are laughing on your retirement and making the most of a great situation.


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